Say Your Name
by BonesBird
Summary: 1 year. 1 day that shaped forever. 1 man changed. 1 life that would never be complete again. 1 little boy without a mom. A day to think of all the ones she'd never see.  100 Anniversary Fic   Hotch/Haley   Canon
1. Hotch

**Title: Say Your Name  
****Summary: 1 year. 1 day that shaped forever. 1 man changed. 1 life that would never be complete again. 1 little boy without a mom. A day to think of all the ones she'd never see.  
****Lyrics: Angels - Robbie Williams**

**I'm sure I wrote a fic to this song before, but this is a 4 chapter fic celebrating the memory of Haley Hotchner (nee Brooks) and the people in her life. Chapter One is Hotch, Chapter 2 is Jack, Chapter 3 is Haley's family and Chapter 4 is a friendship chapter Hotch/Rossi/Garcia**

**Thanks to Dana, Layla, Heather, Sheila, Pat, Ty, Jen, and Heather F. You guys are beyond awesome.**

_**

* * *

I sit and wait  
**__**Does an angel  
**__**Contemplate my fate**_

He had dropped Jack off at school. Not bringing any attention to the date, and immediately come to work and shut himself in his office. He knew that, eventually, Garcia and Rossi would come looking for him. Until them he was going to think about her. Think about all the things that could have been different. All the things that could have been better.

_**And do they know  
**__**The places where we go  
**__**When we're grey and old**_

One whole year since the promise. One whole year since the day that haunted his days and stalked his dreams. One year since he had last heard that amazing woman speaking to him. A year since the last time he could have made things right, apologised for all the misunderstandings that had happened over the years. The last time he could have told her what he thought.

_**Coz I've been told  
**__**That salvation  
**__**Let's their wings unfold**_

She was beautiful, wonderful, amazingly brilliant. Every day she had graced his life had been incredible. Every day she had been a part of him. Before and after they had been together. Before and after Jack. Everything they did together had turned out perfectly. Nothing would ever change his thoughts on her.

_**So when I'm laying in my bed  
**__**Thoughts running through my head  
**__**And I feel that love is dead  
**__**I'm loving angels instead**_

The old adage was right. Absence really did make the heart grow fonder. No matter what the time of day or night, he found himself sometimes wondering aloud, as if Haley could answer him. As if she could tell him what he should do in any given situation. He let her guide him as often as he possibly could, because she'd always been good at that. Haley; she always knew how to make him realise he was being an idiot.

_**When I'm feeling weak  
**__**And my pain walks  
**__**Down a one way street**_

He knew that wherever she was now. Whatever afterlife she had been sent to, he was sure she was watching out for Jack; watching out for him. There was so much he regretted, but Jack was certainly not one of them. The little boy was the best gift he had ever been left. Regardless of his being a part-time father, he loved that little boy, and desperately wanted the best for him.

_**I look above  
**__**And I know I'll  
**__**Always be bless with love**_

The best had been stolen from him though. In Haley's death, the best possible future for Jack had already been stolen. He picked up the picture on his desk. Staring into the youthful faces. The picture had been taken maybe a year after they met. She had loved him so much. Their wide grins reminded him how much fun that had been.

_**And as the feeling grows  
**__**She breathes flesh to my bones  
**__**And when love is dead  
**__**I'm loving angels instead**_

Now it'd been a year since he'd seen that smile aimed at him. That coping smile he'd seen when she'd worried about him after Foyet's attack. The beaming smile she'd given him whenever Jack had passed a milestone. The grin she'd given him from beneath her veil on their wedding day. The laugh she'd had when she told him she was pregnant.  
__

_**And through it all  
**__**She offers me protection  
**__**A lot of love and affection  
**__**Whether I'm right or wrong**_

So in the first year without her, what had changed? Had he adjusted? Had he become a better, or worse, person? Or was he the same? The same cynical man he'd been a year ago? The same man whose life was based solely around catching criminals and caring for his son? He didn't know the answer to those questions. But he had a lifetime to learn. One year was not enough time to forget her. He could never forget her.

_**And down the waterfall  
**__**Wherever it may take me  
**__**I know that life won't break me  
**__**When I come to call  
**__**She won't forsake me  
**__**I'm loving angels instead**_


	2. Jack

**Lyrics: Always All Ways - Lostprophets**

**This one is especially going out to my little guy Ty. You're amazing dude. Don't ever think different.  
****This is written as something Jack has done at school. Please remember, poetic license.**

_**

* * *

I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry  
**__**But it always comes out wrong  
**__**I think a part of you still loves me  
**__**Even though I'm moving on**_

Jack cleared his throat and stood in front of his class. He'd written his letter to his mommy. He knew today was a sad day. So reading it out in English seemed like a good idea.

"To Mommy, I didn't know what to do this morning. Daddy was sad and I wasn't sure why. Then I remembered everything and how you weren't here. I remembered I was only 4 then, and I'm 5 now. So a long time has gone since I last talked to you.

I miss you mommy"

_**Always all ways  
**__**I wanted us to be  
**__**Always all ways  
**__**You and me**_

"Lots has happened since George was a bad man. I live with daddy now. All the time. He's away a lot, but whenever he comes home we have pancakes in bed and its great. It would be better if you were here. Daddy can't always make it stop hurting that your gone. Sometimes I cry and cry because I just want to see you. Even though I know I can't."

_**And I'm sorry for what happened  
**__**But I want you now to see  
**__**That I'm changing all my actions  
**__**I don't wanna set you free**_

"I wanted you to be with me forever mommy. I never wanted you to go away and leave me here. I'm never alone, because I have daddy and aunty Jess and uncle Sean and grandad and granma, but it's not the same. All the other boys in my class have their mommy pick them up, and I have to tell them you can't pick me up. Because you died helping keep me safe"

_**Always all ways  
**__**I want to see it through  
**__**Always all ways  
**__**Me and you**_

"When the boys talk about their mommies. I walk away. Because how can you say bad things about your mom. You must be the best mommy ever because I never think of anything bad to say about you. You always made everything seem like so much fun. You and daddy always did such cool, fun things with me. I liked that"

_**Coz I'm waiting for you  
**__**Yeah I'm waiting for you  
**__**Give me answers get me through  
**__**I'm waiting.**_

"I miss you, mommy" he finished. Sitting down and rubbing his eyes. It was true. He missed his mommy, and he hoped his mom missed him.

_**And I wait til I'm on own  
**__**And I wait for you to see  
**__**All the time I spent alone now  
**__**Won't comfort me  
**__**Always all ways**_


	3. Katie

**This is written using Haley's family as it is in our roleplay group, her parents are Thomas and Kathryn Brooks. (Tommy and Katie). Jack and Katie's chapters are short little drabbles. Then the next chapter will be much longer.**

**Thanks to my Tommy - Sheshe**

_**

* * *

Forget me not**_  
_**Those weren't your words**_

The ceremony was almost silent, the small church full of family and friends from local community. The only people missing from the remembrance ceremony was her son-in-law and grandson. But she wasn't going to hold that against them. She wanted a public remembrance this year, but she remembered Haley's funeral, how overwhelmed Aaron had been then. She didn't want that again for him

_**I'm home haven't you heard**_  
_**The ring, the sound of my voice**_  
_**I know it isn't much**_

She missed her daughter. Her eldest child. The apple of her eye. The baby that was graced to her at the age of 19. She knew that the whole family missed Haley too. South Carolina was a long way from DC, and they hadn't seen Haley as often as they now wished they had. Tommy had always been working, or arguing with Aaron, and they had put off visits too often

_**If my heart could sing**_  
_**If my heart could sing**_  
_**It would say your name**_  
_**When I fall**_  
_**When I hit the bottom**_

Nothing could bring her baby home to her. Nothing would help her hear "Momma, I need your help" again. She'd never hear Haley tell her about another child, a sibling for Jack. Katie had to stand back and watch her grandson grow up without his mom. Her heart broke with every picture of Haley she saw. Every time she looked in the mirror and saw the same features that Haley had developed.

_**Say your name**_  
_**When I fall**_  
_**When I hit the bottom**_

"Aaron, it's Kate. We miss you and Jack. Lets all go see Haley together soon" she left him a message, threading her fingers between Tommy's and smiling as Jessica hugged them both. Could they have prevented what had gone on? They'd never know. But now, Katie wished for the day she'd be reunited with her daughter. Waited for the day they'd be together again.

**_Girl, play on, the boys will stay even if your gone_**  
_**Go girl, play on, the boys will stay even if your gone**_


End file.
